Job 1:10 "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has?"

I feel as though God has removed this hedge around my life. I have had so much go wrong. It started in Germany, and although nothing went wrong, Dachau Concentration Camp was depressing. To realize that people actually did the things that we read about in the history books, watch in movies, or read about in the newspapers about Sudan. I am thankful to see it, and to see the sinful nature of man. I am glad that I went out on the last day of my World Cup trip rather than the first. When you see the things that happened with your very eyes, evil is brought closer and can be seen more clearly.

When I came back, two people I had known in my life died. This was tough. They were my age and had walked some of the steps that I had walked. I was saddened, but they both deserved it, both being killed by police at their own fault. The fact thus remains that I had partied with them and hung out with them, and although small, each had some impact on my life. On the back of all this, some girl that I really cared about thought nothing of me and left me.

Other things have also happened. My father became homeless. That was one of the toughest moments of my life. On one hand I want to help lift him up and out of the slums he has dragged himself into. On the other hand I want to slap him and lecture him and just tell him he needs to be a man and get control of his life. Alcohol has ruined him and only God can rescue him. I realize that now. He has help, he could live at friends or his sisters, clean up, find a job, and slowly bring his life back on track. I gave him information on programs that help him do the same, as long as he would stay sober. He never went.

On top of all this, other things that are worse have happened that I would not like to mention to the world. Some things that are personal need to stay that way. Needless to say these events have driven me to one of the lowest points of my life.

I remember five years ago, watching a friend of mine go through these same events. He lost both his parents in a short period of time. His life was a complete mess. At that time I believed in nothing, as I figured a loving god could never allow this to happen. I was at such a low point of despair, I thought of killing myself, I thought of drinking, I thought about going back to drugs. I wanted to get away from my life. A life without faith is a hard life. I lived it.

One can easily remember living life and going through troubling times, and having nothing to believe in. I remember depression, nights where I couldn’t sleep out of fear and realization that I would die, that my mother would die, that my family would die, and that’s what life is. I remember thinking the easiest way to alleviate this suffering and depression would be to end everything. I had no reason nor will to carry on.

I had a wonderful friend that saw the state I was in. He talked to me and told me about Jesus love, and how he died for me. He gave me a bible, books, and he invited me to investigate the claims of the Son of God.

I investigated these claims. I stood up night after night, reading about Jesus, buddha, muhammad. I read history books, holy books. I searched the internet. I debated with people of faith. I asked questions. I began to realize that there was something to this Jesus. I realized that history said he existed. I was drawn by his character in the Gospels, the outrageous statements he said and the claims he made. I was struck by the love and faith of these wonderful Christians who had been a part of my life. I was amazed at the conversion of the Apostle Paul, how he went from killing Christians and fell before the cross.

I decided to trust Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I’ve lived my past four years with faith, but I realize not for love of God, for his mercy and forgiveness of my sins. I had faith but lived my life for myself alone. God has brought amazing things in my life, and today I am thankful to him for this faith he has given me. Through my recent troubles, I am comforted in Job’s suffering. I am comforted in knowing that there is a higher purpose for life. I am comforted in knowing that my sins have been wiped clean by God’s forgiveness.

The most striking thing in my life right now has been the realization of my faith, and how it has carried me through these troubling times with sadness, yet hope that one day things will be better. I wish I could adequately state in words this wonderful gift God has given me, but that would be impossible. My belief has meant my life, I would be dead right now without it. As God recently has allowed so much trouble in my life, he has given me the realization that I owe him everything.